Family Love

 Different people have told me recently that they don't get along with close family members and have told me that they are happy that my siblings and I get along well. Let me tell you, it hasn't been easy, we have worked hard at it! There have been years of hurt feelings and deep pain that had to be gotten through, forgiven but not forgotten and sometimes it rises up near the surface and threatens to come out in a bad way, but it is worth it to keep it inside. Mother used to tell us that "life ain't fair" let me tell you that love isn't either, if it was I'd still be married to my love, Levi would live close enough for an overnight visit and David would be married to a certain person and have children for me to spoil. I miss Levi and his family, I miss all the grandchildren I should have and don't. I can't imagine not having Paula and Russel and Chuck, Chuck is hard to love but I do love him and most of the time we spend together is good. The older we get the more physical or mental pains we have and sometimes we go on about them far too long but we all need to get it out. There are hurt feelings over things said, things done (or not done),things we thought we knew but didn't and things we know but wish we didn't. I can't imagine not being friends with my only sister. We do still sometimes say or do the wrong thing but now we respect each other enough to know that we can talk about it and work it out. I can't imagine if I wasn't close to Leah, her girls own a great big piece of my heart, I'm sorry that Rebekah and her children are so far away. Andrew is far away too, he was one of my "boys" when he was growing up, I miss him. My life isn't the way I thought it would be but it is better than some I know and I thank God every day that He has given me the chance He has to be who I am at this point in my life. I'm not always "happy" but what is that anyway? I AM and right now, at this moment in time, that is enough.